WHAT IS RAD?
RAD stands for Reactive Attachment Disorder.
We used to hear about Reactive Attachment Disorder from people who adopted kids from Eastern Europe, and it was pretty scary stuff. These kids do not develop relationships with other people...frienships, family, or anyone. They do not trust other people, have a tendency to defy authority, and can have little or NO conscience to seperate right actions from wrong ones.
It is widely believed that this dysfunction happens because the children have little or no nurturing when they are babies. Their brains do not develop the synapses that typical children form because they are missing some very essential pieces in childhod development. There is no mother to hold them, comfort them, or allow them to feel protected. They have no closeness with other human beings.
When we adopted one of our children, the "state" had covered up the fact that she had been diagnosed with Reactive Attachment Disorder. This was unforunate, for many reasons, but I believe that many adoption agencies seek to cover this sort of diagnosis. For one thing, most people would never adopt a child with RAD. We have heard stories of RAd kids who have tried to kill their adoptive families, are constantly in trouble with the law, and have cost their families dearly both finacially and emotionally. RAD kids see the world their way, and they intend to have things their way at any cost to anyone. They are, of course, and by their own account, always right, and rules do not apply to them. They accept no responsibility for the things they do, and will not be held accountable for anything. RAD is really one of the most difficult emotinal illnesses to counteract, because the child does not see that they are chiefly the cause of thier own troubles.
It would have been helpful for us to know of our daughter's illness up front, before it became a nearly insurmountable problem in our family. We had no idea why she would accuse us of things that were clearly untrue, and why she would behave the way she did. Still, we love our daughter very much, and have tried our best to help her. While I would not call this a successful adoption in the traditional sense, we still have some interaction with her. It has been a long, stressful, bumpy road, and we have gone down pathways that I would not have chosen had I known her diagnosis to begin with.
RAD is, many times, a "death knell" for a child's life. It is often the final statement that seals a fate and makes RAD kids outsiders forever. Imagine trying to earn a living if you do not accept any authority figure. It makes marriage relationships difficult, at the very least. Children of RAD kids usually end up being RAD kids themselves.
Still, RAD can be dealt with in many cases. Some families have had great success with dietary changes. Some have benefitted from "holding" therapy and other forms of psychotherapy. To the best of my knowledge, there is no drug or "quick fix" for RAD. In all cases, the RAD child has to admit that he or she is the person who needs to make a change, and they and the parents must do what it takes to be successful in life. It needs to be a team effort!
We consider ourselves to be "advocates" for our daughter. She has had some success in life, but she struggles, for the most part. She doesn't understand why her friends don't always run to her rescue and why the world seems so unfair (from her point of view). It has cost the rest of the family many sleepless, worried nights, about 65 pounds in stress weight gain, and quite a few sessions with counselors and even with police (so that we could counteract some of the unreasonable, manufactured threats and accusations and salvage our own reputations).
In many ways, we were fortunate. Because our adoption was domestic and was through family services, we were able to hold the state accountable, to some degree. They assisted us with the costly therapies (some of which would have cost over five thousand dollars a month). FOR THIS REASON, URGE FAMILIES TO ASK FOR THIS TYPE OF PROGRAM TO BE MADE AVAILABLE BEFORE ANY ADOPTION IS FINALIZED. IF YOU DO NOT, YOU WILL LIKELY NOT BE ELIGIBLE FOR ANY HELP. If you adopt from overseas, you can count on being on your own with these problems. You should investigate, be a pest, and pry out any information you can before the child comes home with you. RAD can be dealt with, but you NEED information if you are to treat this illness properly and effectively.
Here are two sites that have been especially helpful:
http://specialchildren.about.com/od/gettingadiagnosis/g/RAD.htm