Once a family is started and the foundation is set, it must GROW.  That doesn't mean that it has to get bigger; it means that we all, parents and children alike, must grow and mature.  It is pretty easy for most of us to mature physically.  That seems to happen whether or not we want it to.  Growing in wisdom, however, is another thing entirely.  Our emotions oftentimes get the better of us, and we give in to fear and frustrations simply assuming that they are real.

One tool that we use with our children is the "TRUTH TRAIN."  We have three children who are all the same age.  Two of them are twins from my husband's previous marriage, and one is my son (who was adopted when he was six years old).  Needless to say, they all had issues regarding lack of trust in us as "protector-parents" and as "loving-parents." Each of them thought that we must favor the other children over them...certainly we must love the biological children the most...or was it the adoptive, chosen child who lived with us full-time who had our love?

The truth is, of course, that we loved all three children.  They, however, couldn't  "see the forest for the trees!"  They were too young (they were about seven) to understand that each one of them was a totally different, whole individual who was loved by ALL the parents on many different levels simultaneously!  Each of them had been hurt by either abandonment, abuse, divorce, or the extreme illness of a primary parent.  Their feelings had taken over and replaced the TRUTH!

The reason we have included the TRUTH TRAIN here, is that it helped our family grow in many ways.  Anytime a family goes through a change...any change, like a death, re-marriage, adoption, new baby, new pet... the truth is likely to get overthrown by feelings.

Here is how the train works:

The parent asks the child about his feelings/problems.  Let's just say, for the sake of explanation, that Tommy feels that you love Susie more because she is older and can help out around the house more than he can.  That is his FEELING, and it is a valid feeling.

But the truth is, Tommy is loved by his parents.  They provide for him, tell him they love him, and, hopefully, have let him know they thank God for the gift of their son.

Tommy let his feelings take over, at least temporarily, and forgot to put his faith in the God who provides and the parents who love him.  HE HAS BEEN LETTING HIS CABOOSE DRIVE HIS TRAIN! 

My kids are old enough now that they usually remember to evaluate their thinking before it becomes a family crisis. They still think about the train, though.  They were the ones who asked to have it included.   If life is like a train, we must not put our faith in the caboose (feelings) but in the engine (truth).